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Wiley 
©0®ÞØ®4+3 whØ®3
Group: Members
Posts: 1268
Joined: Oct. 2001
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Posted on: Apr. 24 2002,18:09 |
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In 16 days I will be getting married. 
I know this comes as a complete surprise to those who didn't think there was a woman alive who could handle my mad sexy ways, but I found one. Let me relive the night for you.
I found her one night while in a bar that happened to be serving .25-cent beers ...of which I had many because I was maximizing a return on my investments. I still hear the fist words she ever spoke to me echoing in my ears. "Are you drunk" she asked as the smell of beer rolled off my breath. I tried to think of something witty, but I just burped. She reluctantly accepted my invitation to dance and that's when I put the Wiley charm in full effect. Just when things where getting hot between us I grabbed her ass and yelled loudly "this is what I'm talkin bout baby" because I read in Cosmo that girls like that ....or maybe it wasn't Cosmo. At any rate she excused herself to use the restroom and she must've gotten lost because I saw her outside walking towards the parking lot. I chased after her and tried to get her to go back to the club with me but she didn't want to go. I figured she got hit on by some looser between leaving me and finding the restroom ...if I ever find that guy I'm going to give him a piece of my mind for ruining my night!
She told me she had to get up early the next morning for school and that it wouldn't be a good idea if I went home with her for a night of crazy sex as I had offered. I figured she was really serious about the school thing having given up a chance to sleep with me and I must admit that was a bit of a turn-on. I asked if she went to a school with those sexy uniforms because they always make me horny. She told me that no, she just wore regular clothes to school.  About this time I asked for her phone number. She didn't have a pen on her but luckily I had the one I carry (since girls never seem to have a pen on them when you want their phone numbers). I jotted down the digits and had her recheck them for accuracy because girls sometimes get nervous when they give me their info and transpose some numbers. So then I walked her to her car and tried to give her a goodnight kiss but she pulled away ...I guess she was coming down with a cold and didn't want to give it to me, sweet huh? At any rate I gave her a hug and watched her drive away ..making sure to get her license plate number as she pulled away.
Now, most guys have this lame 3 day rule bullshit but not me. I figure I want to get some tonight ..why put off the inevitable, seize the day right? So I called her 20 minutes later when I got home and guess what ...she wrote her number down wrong. I figured this was I good sign because she must've been so into me that she couldn't focus on getting her number right ..and when compared to the number I got by pulling her address off of DMV and doing a reverse-lookup through GTE's phone listing data she was way off. She got like two numbers right on the entire thing. So I called her and she sounded half asleep when she picked up. I gave her my best "Whas up babee" and all of a sudden the phone went dead! Shit, I was worried that something happened to her so I jumped in my car and drove over to her place as fast as I could. She sure was surprised to see a guy who cared about her so much and could fix her phone problem (apparently the phone line just came out of the wall). So then I stayed there all night to watch over her as she slept. And now just seven years later and three calls to 1-800-US-SEARCH I'm going to marry that girl 
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There's a sucker born every minute ...but swallowers are hard to find.
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| Post Number: 2
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Rshias
The Insomniac
Group: Members
Posts: 198
Joined: Jan. 2001
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Posted on: Apr. 24 2002,20:57 |
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How romantic.
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Sleep is for the weak.
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| Post Number: 3
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BlackFlag
Objections noted; Notes discarded.
Group: Members
Posts: 637
Joined: Jan. 2002
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Posted on: Apr. 24 2002,21:06 |
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The nice thing about restraining orders is that they're nullified if the girl who slapped one on your contacts you (and you can prove it). Many people don't know that.
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[img]http://members.bellatlantic.net/~vze327zx/pissed.gif[/img]
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| Post Number: 4
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Wiley
©0®ÞØ®4+3 whØ®3
Group: Members
Posts: 1268
Joined: Oct. 2001
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Posted on: Apr. 24 2002,21:48 |
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That's why I used to page her from strange numbers. She'd call back and say "hello?" and I'd be like "You contacted me this time ....we're back on baby!!"
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There's a sucker born every minute ...but swallowers are hard to find.
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| Post Number: 5
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veistran
We don't listen to people that don't like us.
Group: Members
Posts: 967
Joined: May 2000
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Posted on: Apr. 24 2002,22:12 |
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you are a genius!
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V|-
"Headed down the hard way
Concrete battleground
Urban monkey warfare
Sabotage underground camouflage"
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| Post Number: 6
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WrineX
quite bitter being
Group: Members
Posts: 77
Joined: Dec. 2001
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Posted on: Apr. 24 2002,22:49 |
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This reminds me of Something Awful
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some call it stalking, i call it love 
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GG Wiley!
i'll fuck you till you love me
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| Post Number: 7
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Rhydant
I don't work here.
Group: Members
Posts: 1843
Joined: Dec. 2000
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Posted on: Apr. 25 2002,04:38 |
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just remember to answer everything that the priest asks you with a 'yes' or 'I do'. or bad things might happen.
does getting drunk really help with the ladies? i need a prom date, but ill be damned if ill ever muster the balls to ask one out.
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And when people tell me what is OK and what is not, it should not be unexpected see, I extend my middle right hand digit and say "Hey, would you like a lemon or lime with that piece of advice, Mister?"
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| Post Number: 8
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Rhydant
I don't work here.
Group: Members
Posts: 1843
Joined: Dec. 2000
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Posted on: Apr. 25 2002,04:48 |
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wait a minute. why did you delete your posts, editor?
Edited by Rhydant on Jan. 01 1970,01:00
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And when people tell me what is OK and what is not, it should not be unexpected see, I extend my middle right hand digit and say "Hey, would you like a lemon or lime with that piece of advice, Mister?"
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| Post Number: 9
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editor
forum whore
Group: Members
Posts: 0
Joined: Jan. 2002
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Posted on: Apr. 25 2002,04:50 |
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um, they blipped on the "is it stupid meter".
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| Post Number: 10
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Uberkommando
My cup is half empty.
Group: Members
Posts: 337
Joined: Jan. 2002
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Posted on: Apr. 25 2002,05:04 |
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| Quote (Rhydant @ 24 April 2002,22:38) | | does getting drunk really help with the ladies? i need a prom date, but ill be damned if ill ever muster the balls to ask one out. |
Not being drink, but a little buzzed usually helps. Quiets that tiny voice I sometimes get that I call 'doubt'. Plus, it can help you dance really well, as far as you're aware. I've busted many a half-drunk groove that were caught on film and later played back in front of me.
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Now if you'll excuse me, there's a bottle in the cupboard with my name on it.
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