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Epistrophy 
FNG
Group: Members
Posts: 2
Joined: Apr. 2002
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Posted on: Apr. 01 2002,04:22 |
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I went to see Blade II earlier this week. I didn't think much of it. It was poorly scripted, it was overly concerned with showcasing special effects, it was predictable... it was sadly typical of Hollywood fare. However, the shittiness of yet-another-mass-marketed movie isn't the topic of this rant. What has me seething are the business practices of theatre complexes.
There are two major theatre chains in Canada: Cineplex Odeon and Famous Players. I HATE the colluding bastards. I hate the fact that the theatres raise their ticket prices in unison, and that as a consequence I have to shell out $13.50 to watch a movie with my friends. However, what I find more outrageous than their oligopolic business practices is the fact that I am forced to sit through 10-15 minutes of commercials before the movie starts. $13.50 and I have to watch a bunch of friggin ads?! If I want to watch commercials I'll stay home and watch TBS.
If I owned a theatre I'd make sure that people got their money's worth. I'd implement the following practices:
1) No commercials;
2) Each of the seats would be equipped with a button, which when pressed would electrocute the person in the seat behind you. No more kicking;
3) A cafe you could go to after the movie, hang out with others who had just seen the movie, and do a post-movie analysis, talk about how shitty it was, repeat the jokes, etc.
4) Two types of screenings. The first type would allow crying babies, talking and heckling (a la MST2K). The second type would require silence.
The 'Quiet' screening would have the additional policies:
a) On each of the seatbacks would be a closed captioning display that could be scrolled forwards and backwards. No more whispers of, "What did (s)he say?"
b) Whoever forgets to turn off their cellphone ringer gets hit with a crotchbat.
I'm sure if I had the capital to start up a theatre, I'd be rich. Ah well.
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| Post Number: 2
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Uberkommando
My cup is half empty.
Group: Members
Posts: 337
Joined: Jan. 2002
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Posted on: Apr. 01 2002,04:34 |
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He he he... I guess "crotchbat" is just one of those words that makes me smile...
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Now if you'll excuse me, there's a bottle in the cupboard with my name on it.
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| Post Number: 3
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ic0n0
I have become Death, Destroyer of Worlds
Group: Members
Posts: 1352
Joined: Sep. 2000
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Posted on: Apr. 01 2002,04:50 |
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 "crotchbat"  
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"I don't have the evidence to prove that God doesn't exist, but I so strongly suspect he doesn't that I don't want to waste my time." (Isaac Asimov)
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| Post Number: 4
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Carnivore
Death is Total Independence
Group: Members
Posts: 65
Joined: Jan. 2002
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Posted on: Apr. 01 2002,05:41 |
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you think thats bad. I live in ghetto/white trash/riceboy central. If you go to the movies the night it comes out expect these things to happen.
1. Some dipshit wannabe shining a red laser at the screen to show off in front of his 14 y/o girlfriend.
2. Ghetto wannabes all yelling yo yo yo thas my homie at every other scene.
3. Pimp wannabes with their cellphones taking calls through the movie from their friends chilling at McDonalds in their ricemobiles.
Thank god my roommate is the manager, he sics the cops on them everytime and they all turn into little bitches and leave the theater with their tails inbetween their legs. They either leave or they get arrested and mommy and daddy have to bail them out. That mainly happens on the weekends though. During the week its safe to go see a movie MOST of the time.
Its sad in my area because every gangsta wannabe and their Eminem clones started fights at the theater every weekend until some rich/high up lady saw it happening and raised hell. Now you have tons of cops there on the weekend. Gee I feel so safe, I told my roommate he should order Kevlar vests for him and his employees as soon as possible.
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"One rule....Stay in the Light...."
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| Post Number: 5
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kbreak
I am almost one of Us.
Group: Members
Posts: 2300
Joined: Dec. 2001
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Posted on: Apr. 01 2002,06:09 |
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what does
"oligopolic" mean?
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| Post Number: 6
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CatKnight
Jedi Republican
Group: Members
Posts: 3807
Joined: Dec. 2000
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Posted on: Apr. 01 2002,06:17 |
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multiplex times a bunch. i hate those theaters too. here at school there is a multi plex where two of the screens are about the size of my tv at home, with not even stereo sound. the other 2 screens are too high up so you can't even see it unless you are half way back, but there are no seats in the back because it is always crowded.
at the theater near my home (a cineplex odeon even), all of the screens are ripped, they turn the sound up so loud it distorts (and hurts even MY ears). all the people in the theater are just like that black girl from scary movie 2. and the price is now up to $9.50 US. such bullshit.
i wish there were decent theaters to go to SOMEWHERE
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[url=http://www.personal.psu.edu/users/d/b/dbl125/dfa.jpg]If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful that you can possibly imagine.[/url]
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| Post Number: 7
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Epistrophy
FNG
Group: Members
Posts: 2
Joined: Apr. 2002
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Posted on: Apr. 01 2002,08:26 |
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| Quote | you think thats bad. I live in ghetto/white trash/riceboy central. If you go to the movies the night it comes out expect these things to happen.
1. Some dipshit wannabe shining a red laser at the screen to show off in front of his 14 y/o girlfriend. |
Sounds like an American phenomenon. For a couple of months, here in Toronto, they had Famous Players and Cineplex Odeon 'associates' (sidenote: I love the introduction of these official-sounding titles for crappy-ass McJobs) feeding us some mandatory speech about refraining from using laser pointers. I wondered about this, doubting that such idiotic things occurred on a regular basis since I'd never witnessed it firsthand. I think idiots who engage in such behaviour should be required to pay the ticket price back to all the other patrons. Either that or theatre managers should provide the audience with crotchbats to facilitate vigilante mob justice...
As for the people who feel the need to shout at the screen, "Yo, Yo, Yo... Thas my homie", I think a theatre implementing my plans could well accommodate such behaviour. All of the riff-raff would end up in the 'noisy' showing. At any rate, I think there are some occasions when talking improves the movie-viewing experience. I can think of numerous instances when heckling would have improved my enjoyment of a bad movie (e.g. Anaconda, Batman & Robin, Godzilla, The Phantom Menace, etc). For instance, if I'd had the opportunity to shout at Jar Jar or voice my discontent at the assinine fart joke, that for unfathomable reasons made it into the final cut of TPM, I might have actually enjoyed Episode 1. For a chance to satisfy my outrage at Jar Jar, I might have even prepared some written material for use at a second viewing.
| Quote | | what does "oligopolic" mean? |
That was a mistake on my part. I meant to say oligopolistic. An oligopoly is defined as: A market condition in which sellers are so few that the actions of any one of them will materially affect price and have a measurable impact on competitors.
What generally happens in these situations is that instead of engaging in competitive behaviour, the companies band together and cooperate/collude. Consequently, even though they have different owners, they act like one entity - they can raise prices to ridiculous amounts and everybody is trapped into paying the amount demanded. Furthermore, the companies are less likely to get hammered with anti-trust lawsuits since the market isn't monopolized. It's one of those examples of game theory in action.
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| Post Number: 8
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Wiley
©0®ÞØ®4+3 whØ®3
Group: Members
Posts: 1268
Joined: Oct. 2001
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Posted on: Apr. 01 2002,17:46 |
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All of the giant theatre complexes around me (when I lived in Irvine) were Edward's theatres ...good sound and good screens ...too bad they went bankrupt last year 
Lifes too short for AMC & Odeon theatres.
Now I'm living in LA where I went to see Blade II on Sat night. I was in fear of my life!! I think the guy behind me was selling crack and the laser pointers were coming from the underside of 9mm handguns. LA is truely the armpit of the universe
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There's a sucker born every minute ...but swallowers are hard to find.
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| Post Number: 9
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DRUFER
bleh.
Group: Members
Posts: 100
Joined: Aug. 2001
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Posted on: Apr. 01 2002,18:54 |
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| Quote (Epistrophy @ 31 Mar. 2002,19:22) | | 2) Each of the seats would be equipped with a button, which when pressed would electrocute the person in the seat behind you. No more kicking; |
The problem with that is, you gotta get rid of the bodies after each showing. I'd rather just strap the kicking bastards to their chairs.
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I need a new sig.
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| Post Number: 10
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kbreak
I am almost one of Us.
Group: Members
Posts: 2300
Joined: Dec. 2001
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Posted on: Apr. 01 2002,21:13 |
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Wiley, you can go to the Cinerama Dome in Hollywood.... luxury seating, perfect view, just rebuilt and improved sightlines, a coffeeshop and a bar....
all for only
$14/ticket.
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