|
|
| Post Number: 11
|
BlackFlag 
Objections noted; Notes discarded.
Group: Members
Posts: 637
Joined: Jan. 2002
|
 |
Posted on: May 23 2002,22:43 |
|
   |
I think some people are just born fucked up. Good parents (or otherwise growing up in a good environment) can cancel out some of their genetic predisposition for evil, but sometimes it can't. Timothy McVeigh had (for the most part) a good family, and a good upbringing. He was just too much of an idealist by nature, and idealism can get twisted by the way the world is today.
--------------
[img]http://members.bellatlantic.net/~vze327zx/pissed.gif[/img]
|
 |
|
|
| Post Number: 12
|
Bob_the_Cannibal
Anonymous Coward
Group: Members
Posts: 313
Joined: Feb. 2002
|
|
Posted on: May 24 2002,00:10 |
|
 |
[ moved to another thread by dsl to keep this one on topic  ]
|
|
|
|
| Post Number: 13
|
Wiley
©0®ÞØ®4+3 whØ®3
Group: Members
Posts: 1268
Joined: Oct. 2001
|
 |
Posted on: May 24 2002,17:20 |
|
|
If I hear one more parent say their kid has ADD or ADHD I'm going to flip out. Maybe why little Timmy is climbing up the walls and knocking things off shelves is because you never pay any attention to him and your out being parents with careers! You wanted to breed then take some responsability for what you created. Don't just look to some combination of drugs to keep them sedated enough that you don't have to deal with them. I think that when a kid is not in school they should have a parent (not a nanny or day-care provider) supervise them until they are at least mental mature enough to function on their own. And at that time, when they can reasonably express what is going on in their heads it can be determined if they have a chemical imbalance that needs to be treated. It bothers me that 1/2 the 6 year olds out there are on some sort of medication for a behavior problem that most likely doesn't exist.
--------------
There's a sucker born every minute ...but swallowers are hard to find.
|
|
|
|
| Post Number: 14
|
Jynx
resident n0b0dy
Group: Members
Posts: 333
Joined: Dec. 2000
|
|
Posted on: May 24 2002,20:41 |
|
|
I admit, this thread is fascinating, and the main reason is because my first son is now 18 months old. It's very easy to say "parents must do this, parents must do that", but it feels much different when you are that parent.
Wolf: I agree with your sentiments; however, it's also important to realize that the punishment must fit the crime, and that different kids respond differently to the same punishment. My wife's sister has two boys, and she and her husband have found that while one responds well to stern lecturing and, when necessary, a swat or two, the other only laughs, and only responds well when he is cut off from the rest of the family, a.k.a. sent to his room for, say, 5 minutes. The point: One Punishment Fits All doesn't work -- parents need to learn, and use (but not abuse) their kids' hot-spots.
Kuru: yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes. We're trying to teach that even now.
Wiley: amen, hallelujia. It's actually really interesting--sometimes, my son acts like he has ADD or ADHD (yes, even at his young age). The simple truth is that what he's doing is trying to get some attention, and as soon as he gets it, he's an angel. Plus, here's another thing - he loves books, and will even now sit down with a book and "read" it for a surprising amount of time. Another thing - he'll act for all the world like he has the Ultimate 2-Second Attention Span, but he remembers stuff. He remembers where a candy dish sits at a friends house, and he hasn't been there for 4 months! I guess the point I'm trying to make is that it's my guess that many those kids with "ADHD" suffer more from parents who can't take the time out of their busy schedules to pay some attention to thier kids, ever. So, instead of treating the problem, and taking on the responsibility of parenthood, they drug their kids into little vegetables, and then can't figure out why these damaged children can't pass 4th grade tests at 17.
One last point, I promise: if you're gonna have kids, then for crying out loud, have one parent stay home full-time. People seem to think that this is impossible, but it's far from. I'm supporting my family and my 19-year old nephew (temporarily, I hope) on my salary alone. Those parents who say that they need two salaries are just too selfish to give up their current lifestyle. Well, guess what--YOU NEED TO. If you can't support having one parent home with the child, then you are not ready for kids yet. Period.
k, i'll shut up now.
--------------
--Jynx
We don't make software "releases". Our software escapes, leaving a bloody trail of developers and QA people in its wake.
|
|
|
|
| Post Number: 15
|
damien_s_lucifer
Emperor of Detnet
Group: Members
Posts: 33
Joined: Jan. 1970
|
|
Posted on: May 24 2002,22:47 |
|
|
| Quote (Jynx @ 24 May 2002,12:41) | | k, i'll shut up now. |
no, don't! we need your wise opinions!!!
as for one parent staying at home - that is damn good advice. Kids don't need you to be rich; they need you.
I know that in some areas (including my beloved San Francisco), it's really hard to get by on a single income. But there are alternatives to both parents working full time, such as :
1. One parent working full time, the other working part time during school hours. Daycare sucks... remember, you're putting your child in hands of someone who makes a whopping 11 bucks an hour!
2. Don't be afraid of the extended family! The nuclear family was the ideal for a long time, but the idea sucked all along. Children need a lot of personal attention. Grandparents, especially, make an amazing resource... and remember that they're gonna treat their grandkids much better than they treated you. Grandkids leave at the end of the day. You didn't
3. Neglect is the #1 cause of behavior problems and learning disorders. Drugs can't change that.
::sigh:: when I was a kid, I had almost all the symptoms of ADD... never paying attention, staring out the window, doodling on my desk, etc. Back then, though, ADD was almost unheard of... they just figured I was bored. So they put me in the gifted and talented program. End of problem.
And while I grew up in what might look like your typical 50's-era nuclear family (dad worked, mom stayed home), I actually spent a *lot* of time with my grandparents when I was little... my mom pawned me off on them a lot so she could play tennis in peace, lol. I can't even begin to explain all of the things I learned from good ol' gramma & grandpa. And I'm quite sure that my mom and I got along a lot better simply because she still got to have some time for herself.
Here's an interesting question... I often have this eerie feeling that my biggest problem is that my upbringing was so damn good... as if it's become such a rare thing that no one believes that you're trustworthy unless you have all kinds of personal problems... or is it jealousy? I have no idea.
As for personal responsibility... yes, I agree. I was raised to take responsibility for my own actions. What bothers me is how easily people point the finger at others and say "TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!" without bothering to look in the goddamn mirror.
|
|
|
|
| Post Number: 16
|
cycodzzy
FNG
Group: Members
Posts: 4
Joined: Jun. 2002
|
|
Posted on: Jun. 04 2002,04:02 |
|
|
JUST TO CLARIFY ADD AND ADHD
i was diagnosed with add.and yes you do have problems in life because of it.but that is not an excuse!its a condition.they tryed druges in my younger years in school and let me tell it is the worst feeling ive ever had.to best discribe it i felt like a zombie.thank god. my father didnt belive in drugs and i was only on them for a few years.
my mother was working in the day while i was at school.and home at night to take care of me.my upbringing was a little of what all of you have said.they were pasive on the small things and if i really screwed up (4-5times) i would get a spanking..
ADD OR ADHD does not have anything to do with your morals or how bad a kid you might be because of it.you will turn out the way your going to due to your parents and you.how ever much you decide to achieve in this world is by your hands alone.
i cant say what the best parenting teqneques are im not a parent yet.but i can say this.im very close to owning my own business and have very a high integrity in myself.i always try to do the right thing.so my parents must have done somthing right.
i think people try to use add or adhd as an exuse of why they cant achive something, or why they done somthing wrong.
again just to set the record straight thats not a reason its an exuse.it makes me mad when i talk to these sort of people.
having the condtion. i know whats possible when i set my mind to it.
thanks for hearing me (if you care)
|
|
|
|
| Post Number: 17
|
kuru
Detonate.net's 9mm wielding geek-hit-Goddess
Group: Members
Posts: 2566
Joined: Aug. 2000
|
|
Posted on: Jun. 04 2002,12:06 |
|
|
And this is why kuru will never have kids.
Because there's no way in hell I'd give up my life, stay home, and pay the kind of attention necessary to actually deal with a kid.
In all honesty, it would destroy everything that makes me who I am to be stuck in a house with a smelly dirty little thing that can't understand a freakin word of what I say.
Stay at home parenthood is a wonderful idea, but it does jack for the mental stimulation of the person who's constantly at home with little to no adult interaction of any kind.
Which is why the people who need that kind of interaction the most (the more intelligent people) either don't have kids or stick their kids in day care. Because it is truly maddening to have an extreme mental capacity and be reduced to 'Goo Goo Ga Ga' 20 hours a day.
--------------
kuru
'dancing is the vertical expression of horizontal desire.'
-robert frost
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
