href=http://www.luminanet.com/matrix/main.html> bastardization ofthe Warner Bros Hit THE MATRIX.
During the interview I was able to delve a bit deeper into the mind of a young
Geek on the red pill.
Iambe: What motivated you to take the time to do this?
cr0bar: Money, power, and girls, what else?
Iambe: What is your opinion of the character Trinity, has she
changed the vinyl garment industry for the better?
cr0bar: Trinity represents the new fad of Macho-Ization of Geek
Women (can I say Macho-Ization on here?) Starting with Leeloo in
The Fifth Element, geek chick heroes have been revolutionizing vinyl
garments and in essence, have raised the bar for vinyl wearers
everywhere. By the way, if Illiad is reading this: "You need to
keep up with the times, let's see Miranda in a new outfit post-haste!".
cr0bar: These questions are hard. When do you guys offer me a fat
paycheck?
Iambe: I am broke cr0bar, but here is a ping for your time.
Iambe:I noticed that in one of the frames of your parody, you had Neo
holding the illusive "Finding Morpheus" ORA, how many do you own, and do
you roll around naked at night on top of them?
cr0bar: First of all, let's not confuse "bastardization" with
"parody". Saying something is a parody implies that it contains actual
intellectual substance, or "real humor".
cr0bar: The term "bastardization" is hard to define, but I'm pretty
sure that there is a link to my page when you look it up at Webster's
online.
Iambe: I laughed, then again I am known to be depraved
cr0bar: As for the elusive ORA book, if anyone actually has a copy,
I would be happy to roll around naked on it and autograph it for a few
dollars.
Iambe: In preparing your glorious bastardization of The Matrix, did
thoughts of making Agent Smith a warmfuzzy, cuddly, Captain Kangaroo type
personality ever cross your mind?
cr0bar: The movie is really his story. His hard life
growing up as a Tamagotchi SNES ROM running on a Mac IIsi, and later his
inception as master of The Matrix. The bittersweet story really brings
out the viewer's emotions for his battered soul and makes us all long
for the saccharine days of our youth.
cr0bar: Hmmm, that wasn't quite clever enough......oh well. I've
got the site to my credit.
Iambe: I notice that you had Tank, an amiable character, install NT
SP6 into the jacked-in Neo. Was the motivation for that? Thoughts of
someone running over your puppy? Amnesty International may open a file
on you for that one. Essentially, my question is WHY?
cr0bar: Why service pack six? Well, as you know there are several
vulnerabilities which are "completely theoretical". And, as most of href=http://www.microsoft.com>Microsoft's code seems to be written"in theory" (everything works in theory, I want to move there),I figured
it would be a good idea to protect my revised Neo character (Neo-Neo?)
from any vulnerabilities, theoretical or otherwise.
Iambe: Essentially, patch him.
cr0bar: Yes, and as the next panel shows, retro-fit him with the
latest features so he can be stronger, faster, and better than ever. He
can take you anywhere you want to go today.
Iambe: Your version of the Oracle declares Neo a "Flaming Geek".
What exactly, aside from a catalyst and flammable materials, constitutes
a flaming geek?
cr0bar: Flaming was meant to emphasize the extent of Neo's
geekness. There are run-of-the-mill geeks, self-proclaimed geeks,
wannabe geeks, and ubergeeks. But Neo is not just some home-grown
geek...He is "flaming", which perfectly describes his spontaneous,
in-your-face, "I'm all that" attitude which he demonstrates constantly
throughout the film. The Snoop Doggy Dogg of geeks, if you will.
Iambe: Do you prefer Keanu Reeves in the Matrix, or Johnny
Mneumonic,or not on screen at all?
cr0bar: I'm sure Keanu Reeves (Who's name means something like "Wind
over the mountains" in Hawaiian...or so I am told) was a dynamo on-set. But, I have a confession to make at this point, I hope it does not revoke my
geek status. I have not seen Johnny Mneumonic.
Iambe:No worries, you missed nothing but a dolphin and a moron.
Iambe:You are a fulltime student. What are you studying?
cr0bar: This will surprise and amaze some, and be appalling to
others
Iambe: What is that? MCSE?
cr0bar: I am six years old, and I am living in a closet in Mexico
^H^H^H^H^H, actually, I'm a high school senior, studying a variety of
things none of which have contributed to the success of my site.
Iambe: Now for the OBboxen, and OBOS questions...What do you run,
and why do they turn you on?
cr0bar: I'll give you my standard answer:
Iambe: So if it is standard, may I bastardize it for publishing?
cr0bar: I leave that to your judgement.
My first computer was a Packard Bell 8086 running DOS 3.22. Itwas also the first machine I over-clocked. By hitting CTRL-ALT +, you
could get the cpu speed from 9MHz to 10.54 (or something). Today I run
a Celeron 300 OC'd to 450, on a (what else) BH-6. I have a GeForce.
PheaR me. Currently the box is running Win2k Pro. However, Win2k pro is
reminding me a lot of Win95a as far as quirkiness, so I will be
down(up?) grading to Win98se.
Iambe: Ever toyed with Linux, FreeBSD?
cr0bar:My personal webserver is a K6-2 300 with 32MB ram, running Mandrake
6.1. The other servers I am privileged enough to have root on include a Cobalt
RaQ. Yes, I have used FreeBSD 3.3, RedHat/Mandrake Linux, and OpenBSD 2.5 on servers at some time.
cr0bar: Phew, was my answer long enough to convince you of my
geekness? I get carried away sometimes.
Iambe: Are you planning on bastardizing any other movies?
cr0bar: The Matrix was my endeavor. A few more regulars in #nerds
and I are planning on doing a few more movies, although that's all I can
say at this time.
Iambe: Tell me about #nerds, who frequents there. Are they stable?
cr0bar: We have eggdrop bots which frequent there every day, they're
extremely stable (I'd like to take this time to plug my shell provider,
Prophet Networks who has been taking a major bandwidth hit since the
site got popular).Other regulars include: (in order of lines spoken)
Skrew, cwiceman, JizzAcus, n0s, Muz. Actually Skrew puts me to shame in
# of lines spoken. What a talker.
Iambe: Any parting comments, or gifts or a good mooning before I
conclude this interview?
cr0bar: In parting I'd like to say that this Matrix site has been a
real rush, and I enjoy hearing people's feedback. Geeks of the world
are welcome to visit us in EFNet #nerds, where they can revel in
Geekdom, donate shells, hardware, and money, to me or just "idle". I
hope I managed to answer your questions entertainingly, but at the same
time maintained a general level of composure =)
Iambe: First interview? You did great.
cr0bar: Surely, and might I add one thing: the "c" in "cr0bar" is
not capitalized.
Iambe:Tis well after midnight, you must be tired.
cr0bar: Tired? I've barely slept all week (what an outrageous claim
for a geek). You'll need to write me a note for English class tomorrow.
Iambe: Do you think that your English teacher will believe that the
reason that you have not slept was that you were being interviewed by
some Geek Chick columnist from a Website who's star is a furry critter
born of server fuzz?
cr0bar: I think I'd have a better chance explaining the humor of my
site to her than getting her to believe that.
Iambe:The truth is sometimes unrealistic.
Iambe: Thanks for the interview, it was great getting to know you
and the motivations behind your site.
cr0bar: Thanks, I hope to see the "endearing" aspects of it show up.
And thus the colossal interview with cr0bar, the net's newest star, ended
well after midnight.
Interview over, I hopped back into #nerds to say goodnight. Therein I
was given the what appears to be the usual treatment for women joining the channel:
cr0bar>we need to give Iambe the standard treatment for #nerds
cr0bar> HEY BABE, GOT A PIC?
cr0bar> just kidding
Iambe> Yeah man, let me turn on the cam, and get the snake.
Leave your comments, questions or any other general banter about cr0bars work, the importance of parody/bastardization/satire or otherwise into today's TALKBACK. Also, since I want to know, was the Oracle really Zion's mainframe?
Cro, how is graduation going?
I graduate this friday! Are you going to college?
is it me 