detonate.net - Found this little beauty in alt.atheism.satire

"Frank Wustner" wrote in message
news:see-sig-FE2C15.11445119052002@news.mindspring.com...
> New and improved. Thanks for the suggestions.
>
>
>
> Christian Asshole
> Sung to the tune of "Asshole" by Denis Leary
> If you've never heard this song, get it here and listen to it before
> continuing:
> http://deadly_nightshade.tripod.com/Asshole.mp3

>
>
> (que music)
> (spoken)
> This song is dedicated to all those Christian trolls around here.
> It's a song about your Christian dream.
> About how your Christian hearts beat deep down in your chests.
> Pastor Frank, CobaltFjord, Boaty, Doug, Dore, all the rest of you.
> You know who you are.
>
> (singing)
> I'm just a regular Joe with a regular faith.
> I'm your normal American Christian space case.
> I love Jesus and sermons and books about God.
> I drink wine and eat crackers to live high on the hog.
> My kids are all brainwashed, and so is my wife.
> My car's papered with "Jesus". What a wonderful life!
>
> But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested.
> (Oh-no) No way (Uh-uh)
> No, I've got to go out and have fun at nonbelievers' expense.
> (Oh yeah) Yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah yeah
>
> I go on the net and I act really lame.
> And I chuckle while atheists roast me with flames.
>
> I'm an asshole! (He's an asshole. What an asshole.)
> I'm an asshole! (He's an asshole. Such an asshole.)
>
> I perch on street corners and I rant and I rave.
> I accost innocent passers-by and tell them "Jesus is my fave!"
>
> I'm an asshole! (He's an asshole. What an asshole.)
> I'm an asshole! (He's an asshole. Such an asshole.)
>
> Sometimes I go find gay people as well.
> I accuse them of sodomy and I damn them to Hell.
>
> I'm an asshole! (He's an asshole. What an asshole.)
> I'm an asshole! (He's a real Christian asshole.)
>
> Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song,
> Preaching and judging and carrying on.
> Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong.
> .........................................Naaaah!
>
> I'm an asshole! (He's an asshole. What an asshole.)
> I'm an asshole! (He's a real Christian asshole.)
>
> (spoken)
> You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac
> Eldorado convertable, hot pink, and ruin the paint job with innane
> christer bumperstickers and jesus fish! Yeah! And I'm gonna drive
> around in that baby all day long, blaring the horn and forcing people to
> read my religious garbage, getting one mile per gallon, because fuel
> efficiency is liberal clap trap inspired by SATAN! And I'll put little
> American flags on the radio antenna and the windows, to prove that this
> really *is* a christian nation and that all non-believers should be
> deported, jailed, or burned at the stake! And there ain't a god-blessed
> thing anyone can do about it. You know why? Because God is on my side,
> that's why.
>
> Two words: Biblical ***** Armageddon, okay?! Liberals, democrats,
> atheists, pagans, fags, they can try to take over the schools if they
> want. They can rip the ten commandments right off the walls, and it
> won't make a lick of difference because I've got the Bible, okay?!
>
> Jesus Christ isn't dead! He's in heaven! And as soon as we take over
> the nation he's gonna come down from Heaven, and he's gonna be pretty
> pissed off. You know why? You ever had to listen to the heathens talk
> shit about you? Well, he's listened to it for 2000 years, that's how
> pissed off Jesus is gonna be!
>
> I'm gonna get Jesus, and Ralph Reed,
>
> (Hey!)
>
> and Jerry Falwell,
>
> (Hey!)
>
> and Fred Phelps,
>
> (Hey!)
>
> and a case of whiskey and drive down to Texas...
>
> (Hey, you know, you really are a Christian asshole!)
>
> Why don't you just shut up and sing the song, pal!
>
> (singing)
> I'm an asshole! (He's an asshole. What an asshole.)
> I'm an asshole! (He's a real Christian asshole.)
>
> A-S-S-H-O-L-E! Everybody! A-S-S-H-O-L-E!
>
> Baaah! Bah baaah! Bah baaah! Bah baaah!
>
> (Speaking in tongues)
>
> Ooooooo Ooooooo
>
> (spoken)
> I'm a Christian asshole, and I'm proud of it.