Topic: Single again
started by: LiNeY
Posted by LiNeY on Jun. 24 2002,23:09
Last night my boyfriend and I broke up. It was a mutual agreement... we decided to stay friends, which we probably should have stayed from the beginning. We didn't have a fight or anything, we just realized we were too different. We'd both felt like that for a while, so parting is better for both of us. I've expected this to happen, and I've even wanted this to happen. I like him, and he likes me, but we're just not made to be a couple... I know he'll be fine, and I'll be fine...Just why am I feeling so crappy now?
Posted by ^Oni^ on Jun. 24 2002,23:34
Probably for the same reason that I felt like shit after an amicable split with a girlfriend of SEVEN YEARS. You love the other person but can't be with them in that capacity. It's really hard to wrap your head around without feeling cruddy. Sorry to hear that.So... um... can I buy you a drink?
Posted by demonk on Jun. 24 2002,23:59
No, I'm taking her out first. I've already promised her a shoulder to cry on.The battle between your conflicting emotions is hard. I've been going through that myself now for a while. Today is actually the worst I've felt in a month or so. That's because she is coming back from Korea, where she broke up with me. Haven't seen her in 4 months, and haven't talked with her for most of that time. It is very hard to have to two emotions of "I was with her for 4 years, we have a lot of history together, a lot of it really good, and I still feel something towards them" and the "I wish her plane would crash into the ocean and there would be only one death: her's" feeling. Does not make for a happy, functional member of society.
Attention all of detnet: Free drinks this Friday night, on me, to any and all member living in or near or can get to the Portland, OR area. The first two rounds will be on me! Either we are toasting my final breaking free from the evil she-devil, or we will be moarning my complete lack of a backbone. Either way, we are getting drunk!
(email me if you really do want to do this. we'll make plans.aadain2001@hotmail.com)
Posted by Wolfguard on Jun. 25 2002,00:32
Sorry honey 
*HUGS!*ok, remember what i said about the cats and you will be fine
Posted by Beldurin on Jun. 25 2002,00:34
Been in the same situation...about a month and a half ago. Being alone is not a fun place, but if it's for the best, which it sounds like it is, you've just got to tough it out.Sorry, kiddo.
Posted by just_dave on Jun. 25 2002,01:01
Its rough, thats the worse part. But with this split taken place do you think you can move on and things work out for the best? Yeah it will happen. Your emotions are still running from the relationship so it will take some time to change gears. I know .. I spent three solid days with my best friend.. we got close ... we were inseprable and stayed that way almost the whole summer.. its like .. i would leave and get about 3 minutes down the road she would call my cell and be like "I MISS YOU" now she could care less... it just takes time girl *big hug*
edit: freaking w
Posted by BigBear on Jun. 25 2002,01:19
Ok, I have a question. I'm 18 in three months, and it still seems like every girl is stupid and immature and just follows her estrogen into dumb situations. I moved and the place I moved to was devoid of people I felt worthy of my friendship, but there was one really freakin awesome girl I had so much fun with. I ended up developing a crush on her and told her, and it turns out she was going out with this guy again. One day I told her something really important, and she lied to me and told the very next day. I was so pissed I didn't talk to her for three weeks, before she finally broke down and wrote me a note and said "I miss you so much, it makes me cry every day, I want you back" and so when I got over being pissed at her, I have been standing with my arms wide open trying to get her to open back up to me, but since then she's done nothing but shrug me off when I make an effort to hang out with her. He's broken up with her [for the 6th time] and she is so hurt but she doesn't listen to a god damn word I have to say.
Are all girls this stupid? Why do they hurt me so much when I have nothing but love for them? Will they always be this stupid? Please tell me it's not me.
Posted by Necromancer on Jun. 25 2002,01:42
get rid of that bitch dude. shes just using you. you dont wanna go fucking your life over for her benifit.
Posted by Beldurin on Jun. 25 2002,02:42
| Quote (BigBear @ 24 June 2002,19:19) |
| ...stuff...Please tell me it's not me. |
Not you.
Them.
Deal.
Posted by Dysorderia on Jun. 25 2002,02:48
| Quote (BigBear @ 24 June 2002,20:19) |
| One day I told her something really important, and she lied to me and told the very next day. I was so pissed I didn't talk to her for three weeks, before she finally broke down and wrote me a note and said "I miss you so much, it makes me cry every day, I want you back" and so when I got over being pissed at her, I have been standing with my arms wide open trying to get her to open back up to me, but since then she's done nothing but shrug me off when I make an effort to hang out with her. He's broken up with her [for the 6th time] and she is so hurt but she doesn't listen to a god damn word I have to say. Are all girls this stupid? Why do they hurt me so much when I have nothing but love for them? Will they always be this stupid? Please tell me it's not me. |
seems like this girl used you as a rebound from the other guy.
Posted by editor on Jun. 25 2002,03:29
Dys is right!The way she acted then is most likely the way she'll play you in the future.
I suspect she honestly doesn't know how she feels herself and being with her will drive you batty!
Posted by demonk on Jun. 25 2002,03:49
There's the rube. Girls (on average; there are a few good ones are there) don't know what they want, both from themselves and from the opposite sex. And it's because they never sit down and ask "What do I want?". Makes getting close to them very, very, very hard.
Posted by Mhoraigh on Jun. 25 2002,03:55
I second what ed said. She probably doesn't know for sure how she herself feels. I disagree with demonk saying that we don't sit down and say "What do I want" - it's more that when we sit down and do so our answers are often in conflict with each other. It gets very confusing. I'm female and I don't claim to understand women (I've said it before and I'll say it again, there's a reason I don't date women and it's not because I don't find them attractive).
There are certain situations when you need to ask yourself if it's worth it. Is being there for this girl worth the pain she inevitably continues to put you through? If it is then go ahead and be a shoulder to cry on, but if it isn't worth it then you need to write her off. But don't disappear, tell her why before you leave.
just my opinion
Posted by BigBear on Jun. 25 2002,05:51
Heh, mhoraigh, I think you are right just not in this case.She writes a whole two pages in my yearbook [and has to get a new pen half way through] about how much she is going to miss me when I move and blah blah. She came up to me at graduation and started crying talking about reading what I had written in her yearbook [of which she ended up in my arms about two seconds later], and had to avoid looking in my general direction because she kept thinking about it. Her boyfriend so saw her and me hugging and he was irate. He didn't talk to her for the rest of the night. She made a comment about a week and a half ago about "there hasn't been a day when I've been around him that we haven't been mad at eachother" which is in no doubt almost true. I'm really glad they broke up because she didn't deserve his completely distorted baptist fundamentals which ended up being more like "girls are my personal playthings which I can ignore". So now they've broken up and she's going through this "I wish I was dead, I can't live without him, I'm so completely worthless nobody loves me" stage.
From not only my personal deductions but those of other people, Demonk is certainly right about her being so damn confused. I'd like to let go, but I've spent so much time with her and she's one of my best friends, am I being stupid or is it just over and time to let go?
Posted by Beldurin on Jun. 25 2002,06:07
again, I'll offer my sage advice...bend her over the couch and stick it in her butt...she'll thank you for it later.
Posted by ^Oni^ on Jun. 25 2002,16:50
Having a girl that doesn't know what she wants is a hell of a lot better than having one that knows EXACTLY what she wants; down to an itemized checklist that she puts on the table in front of you and asks you to fill out.And no, I am not kidding. This has happened to me.
Posted by BigBear on Jun. 25 2002,16:53
Haha ok, so what exactly was on this checklist?
Posted by LiNeY on Jun. 25 2002,21:42
This questionnaire business reminds me of a scene in Nick Hornby's "High Fidelity"...Anyway, I'm feeling lots better today.
Are you gonna have a fight over who takes me out for a drink?
Posted by TheTaxMan on Jun. 25 2002,21:57
*takes off the kid gloves*
Posted by WillyPete on Jun. 26 2002,01:08
No fight, we still got coffee.
Posted by smartsnake on Jun. 26 2002,01:29
For th first time in my life I'm NOT single. Wooo 
Posted by demonk on Jun. 26 2002,06:22
Good luck.
Posted by WillyPete on Jun. 26 2002,10:52
$5 says he posts a "Why are women mad" or similar post within 3 months.The "Why can't I get some/why does she tease me?" one arrives within 2.
Posted by smartsnake on Jun. 26 2002,16:57
Bahahhaa lets see...it's already been a month so lets see how it all devolps. 
Posted by Wolfguard on Jun. 26 2002,17:56
been a month?get any yet?
Posted by smartsnake on Jun. 26 2002,21:34
No and I dont think I will be gettin any anytime soon but I don't care too much.
Posted by Beldurin on Jun. 27 2002,01:39
liar
Posted by demonk on Jun. 27 2002,07:06
If you have no sexual desire towards the girl, walk away. You'll both be happier. If you do have the desire, but you are like me and want to KNOW the person before you move a real relationship into another level of intimacy, then more power to you.
Posted by smartsnake on Jun. 27 2002,15:23
Yea I'm goin for getting to know her alot better before we move on to anything else.
Posted by aznangl on Jul. 18 2002,20:30
| Quote (LiNeY @ 24 June 2002,15:09) |
| Just why am I feeling so crappy now? |
i feel ya. i just broke up with my boyfriend and i feel like shite. only it wasn't mutual...he never saw it coming.
i feel all achy inside and alone, haven't been able to think straight for days. i just float along going through the motions of life.
but everyone keeps telling me that it'll be like that for abit but after time things will be fine. just got to tough it out.
Posted by LiNeY on Jul. 18 2002,20:53
Good luck girl.My toughing out lasted about 24 hours. Grab some friends, go drink cocktails, read some good books... just don't let yourself hang and get down.
Posted by ^Oni^ on Jul. 20 2002,05:21
Hey... 7 years of dating came to a screeching halt when my ex just dropped the bomb on me out of nowhere.That still smarts. Alot.
But good people around you can do no harm.