Topic: I'm so horny ...
started by: Nikita
Posted by Nikita on Apr. 29 2002,19:25
GoshDARNit, this long distance thing is killing me! 2 lousy months since I got some sweet lovin' ... won't see him til August at least. So to prevent me from jumping the next guy I see - which would be really freakin' bad b/c he's my bf's friend - entertain me! 
1) What's the horniest you have been?
2) Just how horny?!
3) What did you do to remedy the problem?
4) How did you do it
like so:
like so: 
or like so: 
or like so:
5) Were you happy?
6) Were you ashamed?
7) Did you achieve nirvana?
8) Will you please tell me already?!
(shlick shlick shlick ...)
Posted by Wiley on Apr. 29 2002,19:35
1) What's the horniest you have been?I'm always horny
2) Just how horny?!
Too horny to stand up withought an adjustment
3) What did you do to remedy the problem?
Best of Kobe Tai + Kleenex + WET(water based) + Beer (I was thirsty)
4) How did you do it
Left ..then right ...then back to left
5) Were you happy?
Yep
6) Were you ashamed?
When the woman came home and found the tissue.
7) Did you achieve nirvana?
Of course ...I'm good to me
Posted by Rshias on Apr. 29 2002,19:48
Wiley pretty much nailed it...
Posted by kuru on Apr. 29 2002,19:53
He jerked off?What, those $65K prostitutes^W secretaries in his office aren't good enough for him?
Posted by Wiley on Apr. 29 2002,20:15
No matter how many women you've had or have...you always go back to the porn!
I think it's because you don't have to pay attention to it any more once you are finished.
Posted by kuru on Apr. 29 2002,20:20
Yeah, but unlike one of your prostitutes^W secretaries, porn won't go get you coffee.
Posted by veistran on Apr. 29 2002,20:28
that's why he got the beer.
Posted by ic0n0 on Apr. 29 2002,23:48
The drugs I take have killed my sex drive, I didn’t have much of one before but now I am worse. I am pretty much incapable of completing a sexual act, I have tried. Limp!
Posted by veistran on Apr. 30 2002,00:30
that sux0rs 
edit: reading fark, mention of realdoll was made by someone so my bored ass goes for a visit... and I found < this. >
Posted by MattimeoZ80 on Apr. 30 2002,03:15
you could uh.. make your way up to seattle.. and i could fix your horny problem..
Posted by Beldurin on Apr. 30 2002,03:26
| Quote (veistran @ 29 April 2002,18:30) |
| that sux0rs edit: reading fark, mention of realdoll was made by someone so my bored ass goes for a visit... and I found < this. > |
ack.
Nikita, sorry to hear about your problem. I've recently become solo, and it really sucks. Been almost a month now. Grr...
Posted by editor on Apr. 30 2002,06:42
... the worst part is that I think I remember pictures of Nikita, and she is a babe.ack
Posted by Nikita on Apr. 30 2002,06:50
almost fell asleep at friends place.that was almost bad.
i'm not horny when i'm tired ... odd ... very odd.
so maybe i should work harder so I'm too tired to think of anything at night but sleep!
zzzzzz
Posted by editor on Apr. 30 2002,07:22
Nikita, in the name of all male Detvets, Thank you.
mmm.
Posted by mqa on Apr. 30 2002,10:15
1) really fucking horny2) my balls were aching
3) jacked off
4) with my hand, and sublimedirectory.com
5) not really
6) no
7) of course
8) fine, you can have sex with me whenever you want
i'm not sure if girls really understand how horny guys actually get, but going with out release for too long tends to make a man a risk to himself and those around him.
edit: please don't misinterpret my avatar...
Posted by damien_s_lucifer on Apr. 30 2002,10:15
Now I have that Mousse T track stuck in my head."Hear that? They're saying horny, horny, horny. It's a methaphor, see, for being... horny. It's genius! Have you ever been horny, Matt?"
Posted by BlackFlag on Apr. 30 2002,12:51
1.) when my ex-g/f came home one night, drunk, stoned, horney, and peeling off clothing before she even got through the door.2.) I was sore the next morning.
3.) *hump*hump*hump* have you ever heard a girlie so damn horney she meowed like a cat in heat?
4.) Just about everything you can think of except anal sex, which i don't particularly like.
5.) oh yes!
6.) mmm.... a little bit. (won't mention why. that's just to wierd for public discussion.)
7.) No. I reached nirvana thusly:
For a long time, this girl had me pussy-whipped. Its true. The fatal mistake she made was letting me know it.... See, i had been pussy whipped for months without even realizing it, but once she had the balls to announce to me (in front of a friend of mine no less) that she had me whipped, that was the end of it. Three weeks of abstinance later, the positions were reversed. (she gave much better head after that too.) Nirvana is realizing that women really are much more horney than guys are, and that we can use this to our advantage at times.
8.) just did.
Posted by kuru on Apr. 30 2002,13:54
I think girls really do understand, because though they try to lie about it, they get just as wound up as guys do... unless of course they post it on a messageboard.As for the meowing thing, I've been there, but it takes a LOT to get me to meow. The limits have to be pushed within a micron of breaking, and then there's a meow.
Though I think Nikita should just visit the local sex shop, buy something, and use it.
Posted by Wiley on Apr. 30 2002,15:03
Speaking of horny chicks, mine came home with a serious case of the squishy panties yesterday. Damn near ripped my clothes off ...I was actually telling her to slow down. We went at it hard until we were both sweaty and tired and then crashed for a few ...ordered a pizza (online at < Papa John's >) ...watched the Ozzbourns ...then went at it again. I was then done for the night. But I'm well rested today and can't wait to get home.
Posted by kuru on Apr. 30 2002,15:17
Only twice?
Posted by Wiley on Apr. 30 2002,15:23
| Quote (kuru @ 30 April 2002,07:17) |
| Only twice? |
Two separate bouts, both pretty intense. I didn't have much more left in me.
...sex is tiring when you don't just lay there
Posted by Nikita on Apr. 30 2002,19:23
sex gets very interesting in the shower!the hot water and soap makes things all slippery and wet ...
...
...excuse me
be back in a few ...
Posted by Wiley on Apr. 30 2002,19:47
Speaking of horny ...that post about did it for me.Actually I don't have sex in the shower because that's where my arch nemesis the faucet lives. The faucet is the guy that my woman is secretly seeing on the side ...the bastard!! Sure he has the cascading warm water thing going for him now, but that's all about to change once I turn down the water pressure.
hehe ...after that he's just going to be a dribble. I will 0wn j00 faucet!!!
Posted by Nikita on Apr. 30 2002,19:56
oh baby, then you better not get a hot tub with the pulsating jet streams.
Posted by Beldurin on Apr. 30 2002,23:00
You guys aren't helping any. Like I said, on a new drought here and not liking it.
Posted by damien_s_lucifer on May 01 2002,00:27
| Quote (ic0n0 @ 29 April 2002,15:48) |
| The drugs I take have killed my sex drive, I didn’t have much of one before but now I am worse. |
I *wish* Paxil killed my sex drive. Instead it made it stronger... no erection problems, and it made me last a LONG time... too long sometimes. It can be damn frustrating.
Last girl I dated got mad b/c she thought I wasn't attracted to her 'cause I couldn't finish in under 15 minutes and I said I needed more foreplay... she'd come twice and be too exhausted to continue before I even got close. I was always reassuring about it and told her that it wasn't her fault, it was SmithKline-Beecham's, but she moved on to greener, faster pastures anyway.
It's been me & Rosy Palms for two years b/c of that. Haven't even tried to put the moves on anyone... what's the point? With a little help I could get things working better but ain't no one going to stick around for that =P
Posted by kuru on May 01 2002,00:57
Shit dear, you just need a woman who can handle more than 2 orgasms at a time and one who likes marathon fucks.And chicks like us do exist.
Posted by damien_s_lucifer on May 01 2002,02:26
but none of them have your mind, dear get your sweet ass out here ASAP... all the tigresses out here are either dumb as nails, aspiring actresses, artists who won't date anyone who doesn't draw or paint, or corporate types who won't date anyone who doesn't have a salary of at least $100,000 and wear polo shirts.
I'd visit PA, but I have a feeling I'd get lynched.
Posted by kuru on May 01 2002,03:42
Lynched?What in the hell for babe?
Sides, ain't nobody gonna be lynchin one of my friends in PA... because 'defense of self or other' is a legal reason to draw and fire.
Posted by damien_s_lucifer on May 01 2002,05:34
| Quote (kuru @ 30 April 2002,19:42) |
| 'defense of self or other' is a legal reason to draw and fire. |
That settles it. I'm going out there. Take me somewhere that leftists hang out. With a little luck, we can legally remove a few from the gene pool.
Posted by editor on May 01 2002,06:16
This is one thread I'll be checking on, so...hmm?
Posted by WillyPete on May 01 2002,17:01
Just got over my own *ahem* dry spell, so I've at it like a jackhammer. Put it this way. 2 separate visits: 9 left out of a 12 pack. (Call it bragging, but I'm not a guy that's just out to please numero uno, currently at a 2:1 ratio in her favour. She owes me and I'm gonna collect this weekend)
There is a downside to the marathon sessions (Boston Fucks) Kuru, the girl tends to get a little sore.
Cystitis. owie. She couldn't even walk, I felt SO guilty.
(You can explain it to the others better than I can probably)
Mind you she called her buddy and was recommended a glass of Cranberry juice mixed with 1/3 teaspoon of bicarbonate of soda. Once every 4 hours. Worked a treat to set the ph imbalance back to normal. Avoid acidic stuff.
Back on her feet in the an hour or two after taking it.
Well, not exactly her feet...
Posted by Wiley on May 01 2002,17:39
Honeymoon Cystitis is what they call it. Sometimes things get rubbed a bit too raw. ...but that's what the ass is there for.
Posted by kuru on May 01 2002,18:14
I wouldn't know, because I've never been 'too sore.'If twice was the most I could do in a day, I'd be a very miserable kuru. My current record is starting out Saturday morning with a full 12-pack of Durex and being back there Saturday evening for another.
Nope, never been too sore to screw.
Have walked funny the next day, but NEVER hurt too much to keep going.
Posted by Wiley on May 01 2002,21:25
| Quote (kuru @ 01 May 2002,10:14) |
| My current record is starting out Saturday morning with a full 12-pack of Durex and being back there Saturday evening for another. |
How many guys?
Posted by kuru on May 01 2002,22:30
One guy.Lucky bastard that he was.
Posted by Wiley on May 01 2002,23:01
Damn, I'd be shooting dust out my dong after about the fifth time. I think that's about my record. It was set on a cruise ship ...morning session, breakfast, round two, lunch, at it again, nap, dinner, more sex, cocktails and back to the room for the grand finally. I think we slept through the next port.
Posted by kuru on May 02 2002,00:05
Other than trip #2 to the pharmacy, neither of us got out of bed all day.
Posted by blanalex on May 02 2002,03:48
| Quote (kuru @ 30 April 2002,11:57) |
| Shit dear, you just need a woman who can handle more than 2 orgasms at a time and one who likes marathon fucks. And chicks like us do exist. |
Yep, they do!
my gf can take usually up to 10-15 orgasms before she says she got enough... THEN i give her two or three more while i'm really going for mine.
damien: you should get your gf back where you got her... i think she's broken
Posted by The_Stomper on May 02 2002,06:46
Ah, the marathon fuck. Longest I've gone in one session is almost an hour. (I'm porn material, according to the lucky recepients of the aforementioned humping.)I don't think I could go twelve times in a day though. Not without some serious lube ... after awhile not only would I be exhausted, there'd probably be some severe chafing going on downstairs as well.
Posted by WillyPete on May 02 2002,11:27
It can be done. And with a condom on, the guy doesn't get as chafed as the girl.Granted it's not all up-down for hours. Positions vary, and you can take turns to rest by being on the bottom.
You can also rest your bits by going oral or doing some 'handiwork' on the other person for a while.
Loads to do. Use your imagination.
Essentials: Phones off; loadsa stuff (condoms; lube); Gatorade or water and maybe some enrgy bars to snack on; phone number to your favourite take away; remote for the TV when you're finally done for the day/taking breaks.
Posted by kuru on May 02 2002,13:48
See WillyPete is right. It's not like, oh, 10 hours of missionary position.You change it up, you move around, you involve toys and hands and tongues and food... you put the TV on, you rest, you go again in a different way...
Then when you get exhausted, you just pass out.
What's a little chafing? Feh. It's nothing. Not even worth bein concerned about. Suck it up and keep goin.
Posted by ic0n0 on May 02 2002,16:48
Posted by WillyPete on May 03 2002,09:08
| Quote (kuru @ 02 May 2002,05:48) |
| Suck it up and keep goin. |
You Swallow! Yes!
hahaha. I know. Misquoted.
Well, I'm off at about 2pm for the long weekend. I called ahead to make sure she's got a lot of cranberry juice in the fridge.
Posted by BlackFlag on May 03 2002,09:41
1 hour qualifies as marathon sex? damn, then 95% of the sex i've ever had was of the marathon variety if that's the case.serously guys, lasting more than 10 minutes is a super human feat these days or some shit?
well, here's a tip to help you 'go the distance'..... when your fucking, think about how much shooting your load sucks. Why does it suck? Because after you squirt, you've got to lie in bed, dick limp, still horney, waiting for your equipment to rest up enough for round 2. (and if you don't find yourself wanting to fuck your girl for as long as possible and/or after fucking your not particularly in the mood for a second helping.... GET A NEW GIRLIE!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by kuru on May 03 2002,13:28
No, BlackFlag, one hour is not a marathon.Let me explain it slowly so that even you can understand it.
15 minutes is a quickie.
1 hour is a decent fuck.
1 hour repeated 14 times in a 24 hour period is a marathon.
Posted by BlackFlag on May 03 2002,22:07
yeah, that's pretty much my deffinition. was just responding to the_stomper's post.| Quote |
| Ah, the marathon fuck. Longest I've gone in one session is almost an hour. (I'm porn material, according to the lucky recepients of the aforementioned humping.) |
must have missinterpreted what he was saying. thought he was using the word session to reffer to the same thing as marathon. *shrug*
longest i've gone without stopping for a ciggerette, water, food, etc. was about 1 hour 45min. was almost ready to drop from dehydraton/heat exaustion. sex is hard work..... hey, if they could find a way to make pushups and atomic situps feel good, everyone would have a body like arnold..... (files that under possible future money making schemes.)
always keep spare sheets around. girls don't like sleeping in a sweat soaked bed.
Posted by demonk on May 04 2002,01:22
Hey, I'm up for a marathon session, just need to find a girly to do it with. Anyone know a really nice/cute girl at Oregon State University?
Posted by Wiley on May 04 2002,18:34
um ...look in the phone book under entertainment ...lots of girls there that will come sleep with you. It's going to cost though. You might want to have you financial aid check ready when she gets to your door.
Posted by demonk on May 07 2002,06:32
I'm so horny at this point that I'm taking care of myself at least 3 times a day! I didn't think I was capable of that. Just thought I'd share.
Posted by editor on May 07 2002,12:18
I would really like to go to Oregon at this point.
Posted by ic0n0 on May 07 2002,15:17
| Quote (editor @ 06 May 2002,22:18) |
| I would really like to go to Oregon at this point. |
ugh what?
Posted by WillyPete on May 07 2002,16:23
I think Editor keeps thinking it's Nikita posting due to the icon. I keep having to double check the name.Regardless, dude, you wanna shag demon?
Posted by Wiley on May 07 2002,18:14
If Nikita was taking care of herself at least 3 times a day I'd jump the next plane out to PA just to lend some moral support. Demonk on the other hand is on his own. Sorry dude, but there is only room enough in my life to love one penis.
Posted by ic0n0 on May 07 2002,19:18
| Quote (Wiley @ 07 May 2002,04:14) |
| If Nikita was taking care of herself at least 3 times a day I'd jump the next plane out to PA just to lend some moral support. Demonk on the other hand is on his own. Sorry dude, but there is only room enough in my life to love one penis. |
Bwhahahaha
Posted by Nikita on May 07 2002,19:38
| Quote (Wiley @ 07 May 2002,13:14) |
| If Nikita was taking care of herself at least 3 times a day I'd jump the next plane out to PA just to lend some moral support. |
Hm close, but no cigar ... haha I said cigar ... heheh ... oh man I need help.
Posted by demonk on May 07 2002,19:45
Sorry everyone about the confusion. I didn't remember that the icon I chose was also Nikita's. And even if one of you guys really did come out, I don't think we would be doing anything like that. Now, if kuru of Nikita came out, that would be a different story. Even better if BOTH come out here. You two would really like it. Trees, sun, clean air, me What do you two ladies say? Should I send the plane tickets?
Posted by veistran on May 07 2002,21:40
| Quote (Nikita @ 07 May 2002,13:38) |
| Hm close, but no cigar ... haha I said cigar ... heheh ... oh man I need help. |
Cigars ... the the disposable sex aid.
Posted by Wiley on May 07 2002,22:21
Isn't it nice when all the evidence against you just disappears in a puff of smoke? Except for the spot on that dress 
..damn dribblers God I need an intern!!! what? ...I have lots of filing to do.
You people are sick! Sick I tell you!!
Posted by editor on May 07 2002,23:41
Oops;I am so tarded.
Posted by WillyPete on May 08 2002,17:51
Don't worry, it's easy to confuse a Jedi Knight for a princess of Darkness.I once thought a cat was a really sneaky ninja once, but it was just a cat.
Posted by veistran on May 08 2002,20:21
realy? I always thought the lightsabre was a dead give away?
Posted by demonk on May 08 2002,23:34
Ya, why am I a Jedi Knight? I mean I like it and all, but I never chose that.
Posted by The_Stomper on May 19 2002,02:01
*drags thread back out of grave and bitchslaps it back to consciousness*Dammit ... I'm on my own dry spell here. It's been since the beginning of the month. And I'm getting really fucking horny. Long distance sucks the big floppy one. I can't even get a fucking backrub because the last time I tried to get a platonic massage, my female friend had other things in mind. Mind you, that's what I get for letting my guard down during frosh week. Nothing like having six girls trying to fuck you - (not all at once, you pervs) and saying no to each one.
Posted by Necromancer on May 19 2002,02:15
i hate people like you
Posted by editor on May 19 2002,03:26
I second the motion, and move for a vote.
Posted by The_Stomper on May 19 2002,04:27
| Quote (Necromancer @ 18 May 2002,21:15) |
| i hate people like you |
Hate me? Geez, it's thanks to people like me that those dejected ladies move on to easier prey - like yourself! You should be thanking me!
Posted by demonk on May 19 2002,18:23
Yes, everyone likes being made to feel like second choice. "Why have great steak when you can have so-so ground beef?" I agree with the others. I hate guys like you.
Posted by smartsnake on May 19 2002,18:51
Yea I love it when girls actually say those kind of things to my face.
Posted by Dysorderia on May 19 2002,22:28
| Quote (demonk @ 08 May 2002,18:34) |
| Ya, why am I a Jedi Knight? I mean I like it and all, but I never chose that. |
you can change it.
open your control panel>personal info>edit your profile.
it should be there...
Posted by editor on May 19 2002,23:51
I saw that, Beldy.
Posted by The_Stomper on May 20 2002,03:29
| Quote (editor @ 19 May 2002,18:51) |
| I saw that, Beldy. |
I assume Beldurin dropped a post and deleted it ...
Ground beef or steak, at least you're on the menu and being consumed. I'm fucking sidelined, and it's a bitch.
Edit - and who are you guys to talk anyhow ... like you've never gone out to a club, seen two girls, chose the hotter of the two for a hookup and then fallen back on the less attractive one after being shot down. Personally, I haven't - so there.
Posted by Beldurin on May 20 2002,04:18
| Quote (editor @ 19 May 2002,17:51) |
| I saw that, Beldy. |
What? To my knowledge I have delete no posts...I'm as confused as you are...
Posted by editor on May 20 2002,11:25
I thought I saw you say "three".Is the IB buggy?
Never.
Posted by Bob_the_Cannibal on May 21 2002,04:02
g'damnit! I've been having a dry spell for the past 17 years, 5 months, 27 days, 23 hours 58 minutes and ten, make that twelve seconds, and counting...
and you think you have it rough.
Amended Rules of engagement: if it has a spine, and is of the female gender, and it breathed at one time, it's a target
Posted by The_Stomper on May 21 2002,04:27
You might want to amend "human" to that list, unless you're from Georgia, Alabama, or one of the other cattle-fucking states.(No offense intended; just a general shot at sheepfuckers. That's OK, right?)
Posted by demonk on May 21 2002,15:37
My own dry spell has now been going on for 93 days. Last time I got any was just before my girlfriend left for Korea. Then she broke up with me while she was in Korea. So the first half of the dry spell was alright by me, I was being a good boyfriend. Now it's no longer by choice
Posted by Wolfguard on May 21 2002,17:07
| Quote (The_Stomper @ 19 May 2002,22:29) |
| like you've never gone out to a club, seen two girls, chose the hotter of the two for a hookup and then fallen back on the less attractive one after being shot down. Personally, I haven't - so there. |
Nope, never.
I just leave with both of them.
Posted by veistran on May 21 2002,20:32
| Quote (Wolfguard @ 21 May 2002,11:07) | ||
Nope, never. I just leave with both of them. |
yeah, but that's because you're the fucking man
Posted by The_Stomper on May 22 2002,07:01
| Quote (Wolfguard @ 21 May 2002,12:10) |
Nope, never. I just leave with both of them. |
Well, I know which Detnet member I want to meet IRL.
Wolfguard ... you must teach me your kung fu. Mine is weak. I have much to learn.
Posted by kuru on May 23 2002,14:45
Wolf rocks.He's one of the few males on earth who can get away with handing kuru a gun and then slapping her on the ass.
Actually, Wolfdude's philosophy is a lot like mine. If I go out and see two hot guys - I take them both home.
Posted by Nikita on May 23 2002,15:54
| Quote (Wolfguard @ 21 May 2002,12:07) |
| I just leave with both of them. |
don't let the mrs. see that!
what would be really funky is to have 2 guys in a fistfight over me ... like in Bridget Jones' Diary ... but will that ever happen to me? Nope ... must be Bridget's granny panties that do the trick ...
Posted by kuru on May 23 2002,16:23
If they fight, they might hurt each other and get arrested. Then both of them would be unable to ... perform... later on.I'd much rather just take both and depart.
Posted by Nikita on May 23 2002,16:39
I just want one Eventually, I just want a nice husband ... not a harem of guys ... is it called a harem?
Posted by demonk on May 23 2002,17:30
/me raises handI am totaly willing to "help" you out there Nikkita. No strings attached. No guilt or anxiety over the act. Just two people who respect each other helping each other out to releave some built up sexual energy. What do you say?