The reason it scares me is because one side is getting exactly what they want, while the other is pretending in order to either be manipulative, or just dragged around (past tense hurts my head).

And as for 'I'm not looking for a boyfriend'... well, we can add another warning flag response to the list of easy letdowns. I don't think I've ever in my life been looking for a boyfriend... um... I mean girlfriend... yeah... but they seem to come along anyways. I don't pass it up when it looks good (and you know what I mean by "good"... I hate that I need to use disclaimers).

quote:

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Originally posted by CatKnight:
I just found out this really cool girl in my building I hang out with occasionally has a fuck buddy. This really pisses me off. Dunno why. Maybe it's partially because I'd rather do her. Maybe it's partially because I'd rather go out with her and do her. Jealousy sorta. I dunno. When my female friends tell me they have casual sex and such, it really makes me feel extremely depressed. I still havn't figured out exactly why.

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I know a couple of chics who are like this. Guess what happens when they eventually get a few fuck buddies...She gets preggy and has to live with her parents for another 18 years. I get this weird feeling when chics act like this think that they think they are a guy in a chics body -or- they are trying to be like a guy and just want sex. Trust me that chic will probably end up preggy in about a year. We used to make bets at my old job about chics doing this, especially when they have the little 4'8" ghetto wannabe fuck buddy. 8 times out of 10 they get preggy, the ghetto wannabe for some strange reason ends up going to jail, and they end up living with grandma and grandpa for about another 18 year and are trapped raising a kid. Not all the guys are ghetto wannabes Im just saying that think they magicall
because 80\% of the teenagers in my area think that all the sudden they have magically grown in the ghetto...

There are many ways you can handle this too. Everytime she says something about the dude tell her its fucking nasty and you dont want to hear it -or- if she mentions something he did get the attitude like "thats all he did to you??? thats weird" then she might give it up to you. But trust me its just another headache and not worth it. She will be toting a baby around within the next year.

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All that I know there was no God for me
Force that shatters all, absence of mortality

quote:

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AND THEN SHE GETS A BF 3 DAYS LATER! wtf is that?

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ya i know that happened to me like twice recently. once it was right before winter break, i hooked up with this girl friend of mine, who just broke up with her asshole b/f, but said she actually wanted to be single for a while. when i got back she had a b/f who goes to another school far away that she only sees like once a month. wtf?

and its cool silver, that you understand this weird feeling i have too.

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If you have multiple personalties and think about suicide is it a hostage situation???

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what do you mean vodka isnt an officially recognised AMD coolant

silver

you notice all those italics? i LOOOOVE italics. they show how i'm speakin'! ah well, no one cares.. time to sleep! *checks watch* SHIT! 4:30 AM (est)!!!

silver
(and yes, i know i put my name twice, but bite me! its fucking 4:30am..)

Anyways, I say stay friends with her, but expand your horizons a little bit. And I don't mean meeting more girls, meet some dudes to hang out with, because they might know someone that you can hook up with.

--= Devin

==========================================
Support Progressive metal < www.dreamtheater.net > < www.ice-age.com > < www.ayreon.com > < www.shadowgallery.com > < www.stratovarius.com >

For about 6 years i had one. it was just one of those things. Great physical attraction but nothing else. We would get together every 3-6 months and have at it.

its not that we were looking for anything we just happened to light each others fire.

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Fucknuggets flamed while you wait.< TeamWolfguard.com >
< Robot Conflict >

Thats the way it is with me and my friend. I dont want to be involved with him- there is too much stuff going on. And its not that I have poor self esteem or any of those "charateristics" so aptly described by ytsejammer. Im 22- Im going to law school in the fall- relationships and school work DONT MIX (believe me when I tell you that crying your eyes out at 3:00am when you have a midterm in the morning that you havent even cracked a book for yet is not a good thing).But i digress...
Fuck buddies allow you to release tension and not worry about a full on, involved relationship with a member of the opposite sex- in a lot of ways they are better- the hurt factor is lower and you always have someone to kiss and get nekkid for :P

there are lots of chicks out there who are perfectly capable of having a real good time screwing a guy friend without getting all emotionally crazy. so then the guys they aren't screwing have to start saying they're slutty or have low self esteem? what gives?

i used to have a friend i'd hook up with from time to time. neither one of us was nuts, neither of us got all emotional about it. things were just fun, and then after a while both of our lives took another turn and we found relationships. the screwing days ended, he's still a friend, and i'm happy he's happy.

i can only speak for myself, but i've never been pregnant, my parents aren't divorced, and there was no 'unresolved hurt' that led to any of it. i'm sure that there are plenty of other chicks who can say the same, and probably some on this board.

maybe what we should be questioning is the need to find something wrong with any chick who lives her life outside the stereotypical gender role.

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kuru
'dancing is the vertical expression of horizontal desire.'
-robert frost

I actually agree with you kuru.

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<<Insert profound thought here>>

chicks are often more mentally competent than they're given credit for. especially when it comes to sex.

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kuru
'dancing is the vertical expression of horizontal desire.'
-robert frost

quote:

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Originally posted by Wolfguard:
For about 6 years i had one. it was just one of those things. Great physical attraction but nothing else. We would get together every 3-6 months and have at it.

---

Film any 70's porno's?
i love you wolfy

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<<Insert profound thought here>>

It's much more fun and stress free knowing exactly where you are with a fuck buddy. You know it's just physical. You know exactly what's expected of you.

Kuru, personally I'd prefer women who are out of the norm.
It means neither of you have to deal with those damn silly societal standards that lead to so many disputes. I think a lot of it comes from knowing that the other person isn't following any of the game rules that you give them more leeway and understanding. When they do something that frightens/shocks/worries you, you know it's not do to any psyche game or manipulation or insecurity. "I need soome time off" means they actually do need some time off, not "omigod, she's trying to leave me" or "she has another lover"; etc.

Problem is, I figure I'm like that (or try to be that way), so when I say something quite clearly like that, the other person usually reads it acoording to the game rules 'cause they're so used to 'em and gets all weird. Probably the same you for you other extra-normal folks.

Guys are allowed or even supposed to brag about the when/where/how/how often they've done someone - Girls are supposed to be sweet little virgins. Guys are supposed to have sex for physical pleasure - Girls are supposed to have sex for emotional reasons. Guys are supposed to want sex, even outside a relationship - Girls are supposed to want a relationship, even without sex.
WTF is that?

Girls can like sex as much as guys just for the physical part of it. Being a girl does not mean being whiny and hanging on to people. And most of all: Sleeping with someone who is not the-big-love-of-my-life does not make a girl a slut, a bad person, or someone that can't be your girlfriend. It only shows that she has the courage not to accord strictly to gender rules, and that she is someone who stands up for what she wants.

but seriously, gender roles in general are completely FUCKED UP. they're nothing more than the archaic remnants of a time when nobody could be who they really were. social norms are fine for cookie cutter, 2-dimensional pieces of plastic, but real human beings don't fit into neat little boxes.

girls are not emotional cripples who desperately need to love and be loved by the guy they sleep with. more chicks need to learn at some point in their lives, preferably young, that they are not illogical slaves to estrogen driven nervous breakdowns. chicks aren't born uptight and frigid, they just get mindfucked from the time they're little kids. so cheers to chicks who take lovers, and take no prisoners.

on the flip, guys get mindfucked too. mindfucked into thinking they're the predatory ones, that girls are prizes to be taken, and that every chick who sleeps with them is giving something up. the sooner they realize that camelot, knights in shining armor, and damsels in distress were nothing more than fairy-tale lies, the better off they'll be.

i'm glad to see other chicks and dudes on here who have flushed the boy-girl bullshit.

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kuru
'dancing is the vertical expression of horizontal desire.'
-robert frost

quote:

---

Originally posted by kuru:
but seriously, gender roles in general are completely FUCKED UP. they're nothing more than the archaic remnants of a time when nobody could be who they really were. social norms are fine for cookie cutter, 2-dimensional pieces of plastic, but real human beings don't fit into neat little boxes.

---

Shut up woman.

(don't hurt me, I'm fragile)

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Net Syndrome - < http://www.netsyndrome.net/ >
Spydir Web - < http://www.netsyndrome.net/spydirweb/ >

...mind-fucked into not knowing when to be sensitive, or when to just rip the chick's clothes off and say "Give it to me!!"

If a guy has a fuck-buddy then he is looked at by some guys as a "hero" but by most of society he is "using her" even if she wants it just as bad!!

hmmm...

quote:

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Originally posted by kuru:
social norms are neither social, nor normal.
discuss.

but seriously, gender roles in general are completely FUCKED UP. they're nothing more than the archaic remnants of a time when nobody could be who they really were. social norms are fine for cookie cutter, 2-dimensional pieces of plastic, but real human beings don't fit into neat little boxes.

girls are not emotional cripples who desperately need to love and be loved by the guy they sleep with. more chicks need to learn at some point in their lives, preferably young, that they are not illogical slaves to estrogen driven nervous breakdowns. chicks aren't born uptight and frigid, they just get mindfucked from the time they're little kids. so cheers to chicks who take lovers, and take no prisoners.

on the flip, guys get mindfucked too. mindfucked into thinking they're the predatory ones, that girls are prizes to be taken, and that every chick who sleeps with them is giving something up. the sooner they realize that camelot, knights in shining armor, and damsels in distress were nothing more than fairy-tale lies, the better off they'll be.

i'm glad to see other chicks and dudes on here who have flushed the boy-girl bullshit.

---

I agree, women and men have needs...But above all, having a fuck buddy shows one thing. How dependant you are on having sex on a regular basis.

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All that I know there was no God for me
Force that shatters all, absence of mortality

I dont think there is anything wrong with women wanting to have just casual relationships with guys- but it only works when you are honest with yourself on why you are doing it. Like if you are doing it just to get closer to someone emotionally then perhaps its a bad idea to have fuck buddy- but if you are doing it for comfort (ie stress relief) or because you are just physically attracted to that person then it might not be such a bad idea.

This brings me to a point. I made a bet with my roommate that I would not date anyone while I was in law school (thats three years relationship free- she doesnt think I can do it) and she said that means that I cant see anyone. I said I was going to remain relationship free not celibate and she laughed.

It worries me that she laughed cause why do women have to just be about relationships? I mean if guys can go around fucking without thinking about emotions why do women have to be the ones to take up that slack- someone fill me in.

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<<Insert profound thought here>>

quote:

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Originally posted by Chrissy:
It worries me that she laughed cause why do women have to just be about relationships? I mean if guys can go around fucking without thinking about emotions why do women have to be the ones to take up that slack- someone fill me in.

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Because of what society considers "the norm", i.e. a centuries-old tradition of male domination.
This discussion reminds me of something I recently read in a novel: there was a guy, married, who kept seeing several girls just to have casual sex. His explanation why he didn't feel like being untrue to his wife was "Sleeping with a woman and then leaving her and sleeping at the side of a woman in the same bed are two totally different things that don't have to interfere". From a man, this seems totally normal. If a woman would say this about sleeping with men, it would be a scandal. Why the hell can't we simply think of ourselves as human beings, with human needs both physical and mental, and stop dividing men/women?

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I can resist everything except Temptation. - Oscar Wilde

quote:

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Originally posted by Chrissy:
someone fill me in.

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Because women are wired very differently than men. We just don't, on a base level, operate the same way.

I'll agree that women can maintain these types of relationships, but I have to believe it's draining on them. I've just never met a woman who can go unaffected by being in that situation. There are exceptions, i'm sure... but when the woman isn't prepared for a Fuck Buddy relationship, and that's all the guy wants, somebody gets hurt... and that's usually the case.

hardly. a lot of energy can come from having really good sex, relationship or not. it's not like it's an effort to maintain a fuck buddy kind of thing, not at all. the effort comes in fending off everybody who feels the need to rant on and on that it's 'impossible' for a chick to have a great sex life without emotional hangups.

all in all though, it's a lot less draining to have a fuck buddy than it is to have a relationship. dealing with just sex is easy. dealing with sex *and* all the emotional load is work.

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kuru
'dancing is the vertical expression of horizontal desire.'
-robert frost

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<<Insert profound thought here>>