Topic: Palms Read? How About Your Ass?
started by: forumwhore
Posted by forumwhore on Jul. 11 2002,20:05
Blind Psychic Gropes Buttocks to See Future Tue Jul 9,11:55 AM ET
By Nick Tattersall
BERLIN (Reuters) - Forget palm-reading. A blind German psychic claimed Tuesday he could read people's futures by feeling their naked buttocks.
Clairvoyant Ulf Buck, 39, claims that people's backsides have lines like those on the palm of the hand, which can be read to reveal much about their character and destiny.
"The bottom is much more intense -- it has a much stronger power of expression than the hand in my experience," Buck told Reuters. "It goes on developing throughout your life."
By running his fingers along a number of lines on the surface of a client's posterior, he says he can tell them about their future monetary success, family life, health and happiness.
He says lines representing success, career and artistic ability extend inwards from the outer extremities of the buttocks, while a further five lines radiate outwards.
"I began on a circle of friends and the circle grew," Buck said. "I am not a new-age freak. I treat people with great care and conscientiousness."
Buck, who lives in the northern village of Meldorf, northwest of Hamburg, says all types come to him to have their bottoms read.
He sees his blindness as a great asset, not least because it means customers do not risk having their identities revealed.
"All sorts come, from cleaning ladies and secretaries to prominent members of the community. For them, my being blind is an advantage because I can do it without recognizing them again in the future." Buck has been blind since the age of three.
Although he claims to have spent many years training his fingers, with his index and middle fingers the most sensitive, Buck says even amateur buttock readers can make a broad-brush assessment of people's personalities.
"An apple-shaped, muscular bottom indicates someone who is charismatic, dynamic, very confident and often creative. A person who enjoys life," he said. "A pear-shaped bottom suggests someone very steadfast, patient and down-to-earth."
He is quick to shoot down any suggestion that his buttock groping might be motivated by anything other than a genuine desire to probe people's futures.
"I do not need to feel bottoms for my own pleasure. My wife is quite beautiful enough for me," he said.
Buck is reluctant to speak about his successes, but says he correctly predicted an actress from a popular German soap-opera was going to write a book, and says a stockbroker has been using his services for over two years.
"No stockbroker would keep asking a blind clairvoyant to tell them about future stock prices if they didn't believe I could to it," he said.
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My question is, how did he find out this "skill"?
Wiping his own butt?
Posted by Beldurin on Jul. 11 2002,20:47
wasn't this on the daily show a year or so ago?
Posted by ^Oni^ on Jul. 11 2002,20:54
There's a british woman that does that too... weird weird people.
Posted by demonk on Jul. 11 2002,21:05
I'm only charging $1 for every half hour and I'll grab your ass and feel every line and wrinkle in it. I my not be able to tell your future, but at least I'm honest about it unlike these people 
Posted by Nikita on Jul. 11 2002,21:10
gee wonder what the line down the middle stands for ... sure hope it ain't a life line b/c it sure looks shitty. hehehe.(_|_)
Posted by demonk on Jul. 11 2002,22:06
Damn girl, you need to whipe more! Who said girls are the "cleanest" gender anyway?
Posted by smartsnake on Jul. 11 2002,23:05
BUCK FUTTER! 
Posted by blanalex on Jul. 14 2002,17:13
Cunning stunt!